One Paragraph Reviews: Bayonetta
by Trevor Whatman
Bayonetta is a scantily clad harpy able to command her hair (which is also her clothing) to take the shape of a massive dragon, foot, or fist to dispatch the onslaught of enemies. She also employs multiple firearms attached to every available appendage, spraying down demons with the limb-flailing subtlety of a Breakin’ extra. The bewildering story plays second fiddle to a “dodge, counter, combo” gameplay style that employs elaborate, screen-filling flourishes clearly designed to diagnose epilepsy in young adults. Convinced that Bayonetta’s mind-numbing level of insanity has effected me in ways that I have yet to discover, I score this game two pies out of bulldozer.